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The News You Dont Want To Hear: Youve Got Breast Cancer
For many people being told that they have cancer is one of the
most stressful times in their lives. Just as we think we have
everything under control, something comes along that can shatter
even the strongest of wills.
Out of the blue, in September 2002, Sara faced one of the
biggest challenges of her life - her mother was diagnosed with
breast cancer. Having nursed her mother through her illness, Sara
took the step of having a mammogram just to make sure she herself
was clear. All over Christmas she tried to put it to the back of
her mind, but she couldn't help worrying.
On New Year's Eve 2002, she was horrified to learn that not only
did she have breast cancer, but that it was a particularly
aggressive form. Of course, Sara was very angry at first. She
thought, Why me? It would have been better if I hadn't gone for a
mammogram. She was also very scared. She said, When someone says,
You have cancer, you immediately think you're going to die. I have
to wait six weeks before my surgery and I have no idea how I will
stay sane until then. What on earth am I going to do?"
After a few very bleak days, Sara decided she was determined not
to give in too easily. Her mother had, after all, fought the
disease, so she, too, could do the same. When she was calm enough
to answer her question What on earth am I going to do? several
answers came to her, as she was walking her dog.
Find out as much as possible about breast cancer.
Talk to other people who have faced similar situations.
Be realistic about what she could change and what she needed to
accept.
When Sara opened her eyes and started to believe that she had
choices, she was amazed at the different ideas that popped into her
head. She discovered practical ways to prepare her body and mind
prior to her mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. She was able to
make a number of choices in her life, including exercise, changing
her diet and learning how to chill out with meditation.
By the time Sara went into hospital in February, her frame of
mind had shifted from a very negative one to that of how she could
take control of her life. She said, I can't stop the cancer running
through my body but I can change how I deal with it. It's taking
over my body but it doesn't have to take over my mind. I can
control how I deal with it.
Sara is certain that her excessive workload, poor nutrition and
lack of exercise had taken a toll on her body and were contributing
factors to her state of health. She sees her illness as a new
chapter in her life rather than the end of it. As well as
conventional medicine, Sara has also discovered the power of
laughter. "It is impossible to laugh and feel stressed at the same
time. I think laughing brings about release."
If you are feeling stressed you might not feel like laughing.
But laughter really is the best medicine. As Sara pointed out, it
is difficult to laugh and feel anxious at the same time! Try it!
How do you feel when you have a really good laugh? As soon as you
start to laugh, the power of the stress is lessened.
I have recently been very involved in setting up a charity,
Clowns in the Sky, which supports children suffering from brain
tumours. Children with tumours spend many weeks in hospital
undergoing painful treatment and we have found that bringing some
fun into their lives makes a huge difference to their well-being.
If they can laugh, so can you!
My favourite films are The Full Monty, Bridget Jones and Hitch.
Why? Because they make me laugh!
This Christmas we tried out a really funny game. Try saying
"purple sprouting broccoli" with your lips over your teeth; it is
almost impossible to do. You will laugh with frustration that no
one can understand you and others will laugh at you because you
look and sound so silly. Don't worry, everyone including you will
be laughing!
Is everything perfect for Sara? Of course not. Her initial
surgery was successful although she was diagnosed with breast
cancer again a few months ago. The fear that the cancer might
return again has always been the hardest thing for her to deal with
and it is something she thinks about every day. But she feels much
more in control of certain aspects of her life. She is trying to
focus on what she can change, just a day at a time. She still finds
the visits to hospital very stressful, but she doesn't allow
herself to dwell on negative aspects of her illness for too long as
she has found it very counterproductive.
Sara didn't have any choice about having breast cancer. She did
have choices, however, about how she chose to deal with life each
day.
You may not be able to influence and overcome every stressful
situation, but you can take charge over how you respond.
If you are facing a major change and finding life very
stressful, what changes can you make to how you view the situation
today?
If you want to manage stress in your life, you need to begin
with yourself.
None of us are able to predict the future, but we can make the
present better if we choose to.
What makes you laugh? Do you have a favourite video, a story, a
joke or a friend who helps you to lighten up?
Focus on what you can change and you will start to feel more in
control of your life.
Carolyn Matheson is a nationally recognized Coach, Speaker and
Author of "Yes to Less Stress."
Carolyn is a Master Certified Coach, and works with executives
and their teams across the world. She has pioneered an innovative
approach to coaching, combining many years of high performance
coaching with a holistic approach to work/life balance and has
coached hundreds of leaders and their teams. Her experience as a
presenter, both nationally and internationally, spans 20 years,
with clients currently in Europe, Australia, the Middle and Far
East, and the USA.
Her new book, Yes to Less Stress is available online at her
website, http://www.areustressed.com
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